The cycle of life continues

I don't know really where to begin but I wanted to post something.
For a couple of weeks now Mr Tocks has had the runs. I was in the process of trying all sorts of different foods, but it was driving really and trully crazy cleaning the litter box every few hours, so I started to let him go outside for awhile each day to poo.
The gorgeous beautiful gentleman that he is did.
He was staying in the backyard and not wandering so I thought that I could leave him out longer each day and bring him in of a night, which was working also, and disrupted everything a whole lot less.
I couldn't have him inside with the other two kitties.
Well one of those nights he didn't come in, and I woke up at 2 hour intervals to see if he was there, finally at around 3am when husbie got home, he decided to come in.
I was a little wary of him for a fewdays after that, but he was ok, in fact he slept a whole lot more.
Well, on I think Friday night he didn't come inside again and I was checking at 2 hour intervals through out the night, not because I was setting my alarm clock, just because I couldn't sleep and was so worried about him.

At around 6am, I looked out and saw him sleeping curled in a little ball up the far backyard. When he saw me he came running ( stumbling a little), but still in his beautiful "so happy to see you momma", run.
It wasn't till he got close that I saw that he was limping, had like a little hole (bite mark?) in teh top of his head and one eye was all red and weeping.. like he had been in a fight, he needed care.

We had tried everything, I couldn't keep him inside with the other kittie babies and couldn't keep him outside, I knew that it wasn't me that could help him, with a really horrible heavy heart I called the RSPCA and explained.
The animal ambulance came and picked him up, and the time we were waiting for them I was sitting with my beautiful gentleman holding his hand.
I explained again to the girl how much a gentleman he was and that he would be perfect for a single cat household, how sweet and loving he was.. he just needed to be somewhere that people were looking for animals.
She said that he looked like he has a disease, and I explained that he was fine the day before, that it had happened over night as he didn't come in.We filled out a form and she took him and the teenie kitten ( a story I will tell soon).away...

I don't need to probably say how much it hurt and how much I was crying, to have even the ambulance girl comment that people are not usually as upset as I was... verging on hysterical anyone? ( and yes I am still crying as I think of him, but this is me (letting it out).

Then I was having 2nd thoughts.. I knew that we had tried everything we Mr Tocks, we couldn;t have him inside and couldn;t outside, he needed a proper home that we couldn't give, but I thought that the little kitten was still young enough to try and intergrate and not be a risk to the other babies.. so many phone calls later ( as she was "in teh system now"). And tahnks to a wonderful landlord that because I take care of his home, allowed me to have a 3rd baby, we are going to pick her up today.

Whilst on the phone yesterday, I also wanted to find out how MR Tocks went at the vets, they said he had to be euthanised because he had too many cat fight absesses and feline aids, I asked the girl how he had that as I had, had him tested twice.. and I think she thought I was going to argue with her  ( I wasn't, just curious), adn answeres rather curtly, I am just reading the file.

It is so unbearably, hurting,I loved the little gentleman as one of our babies, and everytime I start crying ( like now), I just remeber that he is not burdened by having to "defened his territory", or his sick little body, I am sure he is surrounded with love and is running free as part of my familt gone.

I wanted to add, you know this is just heresay and I was talk more about the kitten on another post, but a few days before I wrote on my twitter about how "things and people come into your life for a reason, good or bad you have to give them a chance". I really didn;t want to adopt another baby, we are not rich, and renting I didn't want tp push or take advantage of our landlords goodness. But everything was saying this little girl should be ours.
I don't know why but I think it was Mr Tock's way of making us not hurt so much.
I think he knew he was sick ( and looking back, I did see signs that I didn't know to put together at the time), I think he broght this little tiny baby girl kitten to us. She had his eyes ( he could have fathered her before he was de-sexed), and while I know that it is not unusual to fine a little of stray kittens, but one only turning up in your back yard... purring her little head off everytime you come into the room she is in...
I think she was a little gift from Mr Tocks, and he will live on in her.. her eyes.

I think that all people and things come into your life for a reason, good and bad, you have to give them a chance to show you why.

We love you Mr Tocks, you are and will always be a part of our family, and you will be missed my little gentleman :)